


Today on I fricking love Ben Solo

by BurntKloverfield



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Meta, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24559981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurntKloverfield/pseuds/BurntKloverfield
Summary: A meta concerning the fall of Ben Solo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3
Collections: Pull to the Light: a Reylo Meta Collection





	Today on I fricking love Ben Solo

**Author's Note:**

> Saving a Meta I wrote on tumblr, originally found here:  
> https://pulltothelight.tumblr.com/post/614952096070074368/today-on-i-fricking-love-ben-solo

How long did Ben Solo have Palpatine/Snoke in his head until he broke? It is canon that he was in his mind since before Ben was even born. He was a constant presence. Constant. And when did Ben break? When did everything come to a head? Ben was 23. 23 years, his entire life, where he constantly had unquestionably the darkest presence in the Galaxy trying to manipulate him, pull him to the dark, make him fall. 

I just looked it up and Anakin was 22 or 23 when he became Darth Vader, but he didn’t have the same measure of darkness thrust upon him all the time. He was 10 when Palpatine first met him. He wasn’t always under his influence. He didn’t have him in his mind all the time. 

Ben, though, always had him manipulating him, his emotions and thought processes and perceptions. And everything we’ve gotten about young Ben Solo is miraculously optimistic and bright and happy. We’ve gotten a very young Ben Solo saving butterflies and loving his parents. We’ve gotten an idealistic young Ben idolizing his uncle. Every time we’ve seen him before his fall is him being such a huge force for good. And then it’s revealed that he actually was not the one to destroy Luke’s training temple(Force Lightning from Palpatine most likely), but he believed himself to be. 

Every step and every action after that is a result of him trying to bring himself into alignment with the voices in his head which have created a huge amount of dissonance between who he is, what is expected of him, who he should be, and who he should become. 

This boy was such a huge beacon of light, was such a force of good, was such a power in the Force, that it took 23 years of constant manipulation and influence at a level never before seen in the Star Wars universe to have him turn towards the dark and take those steps that dragged him into Palpatine’s grasps. And even with all of those horrible decisions, he feels torn apart, he has conflict constantly in his soul, and the one act, Killing Han, that was supposed to cement himself in the dark side shows that he isn’t on the dark side, can’t be on the dark side, isn’t meant to be in the dark. It rips his soul apart. 

But the voices in his head keep telling him that he can’t go back, he can’t be good, he’s a monster, he’s not good enough, he’s evil, but never evil enough. He’s not light enough, he’s not dark enough, he’s never enough. He can’t go back to his mother, but he’s no Vader. And all of these are lies to break this man’s hopes and spirits and such goodness that would have “shaken the stars.” He was good. He was so good, for so long, against so much evil and manipulation, and he died saving what he loved, because how dare he live a happy life without pure evil taking up residence in his head? How much good would he have done if he hadn’t had the most manipulative man in the Galaxy influencing everything he did? 

**Author's Note:**

> Looking for more? Check out my [profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurntKloverfield/profile) or my [Reylo Ficlets.](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ReyloFiclets)


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